Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
