Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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