currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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