Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
