I wish you could order shots online.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
