In the future we'll all be gay
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
