I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
