ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
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we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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