If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My vagina just recognized that song.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
