I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
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Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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