It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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