what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I need to align my fucking chakras
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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