Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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