I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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