Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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