So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
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So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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