I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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