I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
