no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
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Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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