For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
