She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
