He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
