If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
