it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
