i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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