it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
