Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
