I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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