Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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