Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I love having hate sex.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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