I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She's the barista slut.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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