I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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