It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
