i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
