a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize