Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
