Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize