He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
