I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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