Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
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So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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