Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
