My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
