Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
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