Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
