that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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