so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
