Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
