my vag is so smooth its legendary
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
