I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
