i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
