my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
