I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize