We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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