Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I color on your dick again?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Floor bacon is actually really good
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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