You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
