i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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