What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
