R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize