I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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