just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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